Some people simply said “I Can’t Accept Criticism….”, and our quick response to them is of course your are, and as a matter of fact, if you still don’t know, no-one enjoys being criticized. And it might interest you that probably not many people enjoy doing the criticizing either, ..except maybe those who need to put others down in order to feel good about themselves. Criticism can hurt our feelings or make us angry if it seems unjustified. however, there’s no getting away from the fact that experiencing criticism occasionally is part of adult life.

A criticism is someone’s opinion about us, whether our actions, behavior, appearance etc. They are disagreeing with the way in which we’ve acted or behaved, and telling us so. Depending on how the criticism is delivered, this can feel like a valid and constructive point or an unjustified attack. If it’s the latter, our initial reaction is often defensive. We tend either to retreat and feel demolished and mortified, or else to come out fighting, trying to defend our position.

However, looking into positive perception, we  should always remember that criticism is just someone’s opinion, and however clumsily it may have been delivered, there may be information in it that we should hear. It’s not, or shouldn’t be, an attack on our value as a human being. So if we  can, take an emotional step back, and listen with interest. What are they saying? How does it differ from our own perception? Has their criticism cast light on something that has been a blind spot for us? Can we understand why they said it? How do they think things should be different?

In other words, try not to channel our energy into feeling attacked. Instead, treat the situation as a learning opportunity, with a potentially positive outcome.

So what should be the solution then?

The next time we are criticized, try to distance ourselves from the criticism so that we aren’t hurt or angered unduly by it, but we can still explore whether there is something to be learned from it…remember that we actually are a learning being, we learn something everyday.

1. When we hear the criticism, we’ll probably respond both physically and emotionally.  We may find that our breath becomes shallow and our body releases epinephrine (adrenalin) as we experience, in effect, a shock. We may feel defensive, upset or angry. Observe these responses in ourselves without attaching to them; then, consciously deepen our breathing in order to calm ourselves;
2. Reflect upon what was said. Remember that this criticism may have thrown us into the  positive change . Decide what specific learning we would like to carry forward from the encounter. If we feel strongly that a certain point is unjustified, think how we might state our case while accepting the point that was made. Perhaps this is our opportunity to see things in a new perspective and find a conclusion acceptable to all concerned.
3. A personal attack on us as a human being is never defensible; but constructive criticism of the way we handled something is different, and could be helpful. Listen with care. Establish exactly what the criticism is, what did we, in their opinion get wrong? and what  in their opinion might have been better?
4. Take some time for reflection. Thank the person for their comments and ask for clarification if anything is unclear. Tell the person that you’d like to think about what they’ve said and get back to them with some solutions.

Extracted from Clare Harris’s Minimize Stress, Maximize Success. Effective Strategies For Realizing Your Goals.  Rephrased for my own understanding.